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YOU MIGHT BE A MASON

The following article was submitted by Brother Paul Davis, Secretary of Magnolia Lodge #120.

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. Here's an interesting spin that you might enjoy. We all respect the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so Masons to back me up.

You might be a Mason if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."

You might be a Mason if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a Mason if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a Mason if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a Mason if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.

You might be a Mason if: You've never burned an American flag.

You might be a Mason if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a Mason if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend..

May the Great Architect of the Universe Bless You and Keep You Safe..........

Meet Upon the Level, Act By The Plumb & Part Upon The Square _|_ | |_

*****

Two candidates were elected to enter on the same lodge night, one was a butcher and the other a sales rep. on the night of initiation the butcher went in first,when it came to the charge at the north east corner it was discovered that he had a quarter pound of liver in his pocket that he was going to deliver on his way home, obviously this had to be taken away. the JD took this to the tyler and said this is the butchers liver ,and to this day we havnt seen the sales rep.

Have you heard of the Lodge that was holding its meetings in the ball room
of the local hotel while its building was undergoing renovations?

One night a traveling salesman asked the desk clerk who all those men
going into the room were. The desk clerk replied "Oh, those are the
Masons."

The salesman said, "Oh, I've always wanted to join that lodge. Do you
think they would let me in?"

"Oh, no," said the clerk. "They're awful exclusive. Why, you see that
poor guy standing outside the door with a sword? He's been knocking for
six months and they still won't let him in!!!"

A wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left for the night. She said, "Honey, I thought you were going to your lodge meeting." "It was postponed." He replied. "The wife of the Generalisimo Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate wouldn't let him attend tonight."

A Doctor and Plumber are in the same Lodge. On Sunday Morning the Doctor wakes up to find his toilet blocked. So he rings the Plumber.
"But I don't work Sundays! Can't it wait until tomorrow." The Doctor said. "I don't like working Sundays either but if you were in trouble, and felt unwell, Brother I would come round to see you"
"OK" says the Plumber and goes round to the Doctor. Goes upstairs and looks at the toilet, take two aspirins from his pocket and throws them down the bowl. "There" he says "If it's no better tomorrow give me a ring and I will call round."

There's a man, walking down the street at 1 in the morning and he's very drunk.
    A policeman stops him and asks: Where are you going in that condition?
    Man: II'mm on mmyy waayyy to a lectttuurre on FFreemmassonnrrry.
    Officer: Where can you possibly get a lecture on Freemasonry at this time of night?
    Man: Frromm mmyy wifffe, wwhenn I gget homme!

Q. How many Masons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. After much research this tricky question can now be answered. It takes 20, as follows:

2 to complain that the light doesn't work.
1 to pass the problem to either another committee, the Temple Board or the Master of the Lodge.
3 to do a study on light in the Lodge.
2 to check out the types of lights the Knights of Columbus use.
3 to argue about it.
5 to plan a fund-raising dinner to raise money for the bulb.
2 to complain that "that's not the way we did it before."
1 to borrow a ladder, donate the bulb and install it.
1 to order the brass memorial plate and have it inscribed.

The Mason answered the ‘phone. “Yes, Right Worshipful Master!” he said. “Certainly, Right Worshipful Master! I’ll do that, Right Worshipful Master. Thank you, Right Worshipful Master!” “Goodness!” said his wife when he put the phone down. “You’re not so quick to do things for me. I wish I was your Right Worshipful Master”. “So do - I” snapped the Mason. “We get to change him every couple of years!”

A young Entered Apprentice was being posted on his proficiency. After going over the signs and passwords, he looked at his poster and asked, "I noticed several of the older members sticking their fingers in their ears and whistling. What does that sign mean?"

"That's not a sign," his poster said, "Those are Past Masters adjusting their hearing aids."

A small Lodge had had a string of bad luck. It was preparing to initiate a candidate on a steamy evening in June and it's air conditioner had stopped working. After sweating their way through part of the work, the Master had asked the candidate what he most desired.

    The candidate replied "a beer".
    At this juncture the WM., being startled, whispered "light" to the candidate.

    "OK," the candidate replied, "a lite beer."